By that I mean I will blog about movies I have recently seen and then imagine your responses and then ignore them.
First movie: Lesbian Vampire Killers.
The first half of this movie is a couple tics better than good, the second half a couple tics less.
The prologue is nicely done, sets up the lore in a quick and humorous manner. The introduction of the two leads is also nicely done. The tone of the film is set within these first few minutes. It is an odd mix: cartoonish yet full of British stoicism. Stoicism isn't quite the right word but I am lazy.
The film does a good job of setting the scene, and putting all pieces in place.
Then it doesn't quite know what to do with them.
The same few jokes are repeated. A bit too much clunky exposition falls out of mouths not talented enough to make it sound good.
And there are not enough bare tits. And an odd lack of blood.
But there are a couple good gore gags.
It all leads up to an ending. Notice the lack of adjective. That was intentional.
Here is where I sum up the film in a quick and pithy manner: If you loved Shaun of the Dead, you'll like Lesbian Vampire Killers.
I can not sum up You Don't Mess With the Zohan in a quick and pithy manner. Save to say that it does for comedies what The Spirit did for comic book movies. Within the first few minutes of the flick, Adam Sandler's Zohan willfully catches both a hacky sack and a cooked fish betwixt his butt cheeks.
That trailer gives you a taste of what to expect. But it doesn't prepare you for how over the top it gets. You laugh because you can't believe that they put such stupid stuff in a major motion picture, not because said stupid stuff is funny. I don't want to give examples because I don't want to ruin it for anyone, but that doesn't matter because I cannot in good faith recommend this movie to anyone I know and like.
Two of my friends saw this in the theatre and spent most of the movie's running time with their heads in their hands. I can understand why. But I am and always have been fascinated by gloriously wrong-headed, single-minded disasterpieces.
The last film to discuss is the latest Harry Potter film.
This is a gorgeous film. Just lovely to take in. And the visual storytelling is markedly improved from the previous Potter installment. It looks great, it sounds great, it flows great, everyone gives great performances, there are great character-based beats.
Then it all ends poorly. The ending is just not done well. Some fairly major things happen and they are not given the attention they deserve.
This is not a short film but it never felt it. But the last ten/fifteen minutes feel super rushed and it lets the rest of the film down.
