The House of Cosby!!

Here's a good link, y'see.

This one here is like a jello pudding pop.

With the hipping and the hopping.

Bill Cosby is funny. More Cosbys=more funny.

I Banged The Fuck Out of My Arm

Anyone who has visited us at the five star Orange House knows that there is only one stall in the whole building that has a western style toilet. That stall had been locked all weekend. Thinking that something was up, I hoisted myself up the wall of the adjacent stall and took a peek. The locked western stall was empty. Someone's idea of a joke I guess. I took it upon myself to sort this stupid situation out. I clambered over the top and was gingerly lowering myself down. I managed to stop my rapid descent by banging the fuck out of my arm. It does not feel good.


Also, I'm losing my voice. Maybe I shouldn't be cutting my orange juice with Tequila.

God Damn You George Lucas!!!

God damn you all to hell. My bitterness and pessimism had finally won out. I was resigned to the fact that Episode 3 wasn't going to be all that great. I was still going to see it opening day, download it off the internet and buy it on DVD, but I wasn't going to like it. Then the new trailer dropped. Fuck. That is a nice god damn trailer. I had been wondering how they were going to turn Anakin to the dark side without it feeling cheap and forced. They convinced me in the span of... however long that trailer was. And there's no sign of lameness in the trailer. No Gungans, no romance. All that shit is in the past. What's left is the good shit. A whole lot of Jedi are going to get their shit fucked up. Nothing but ass kicking and despair. I can't wait.

God damn you George Lucas, I cannot fucking wait.

Jokes

Why did God give women legs?
Have you seen the trail a snail leaves?

A woman is in the delivery room... I'm too lazy to type out the whole thing... "Don't worry, it was dead anyways."

Ba Dum Ching.

And I'm glad that not everyone I know knows about this site because I don't want them all to get pissed off at me when I say this: Japanese moms are hot. It's not like North America where it's like they take a year to get back into pre-birth shape. If anything, Japanese women are even hotter after they have a kid. They're still skinny and cute and dress amazingly, but they also have sensible hair. I love my job.

I Really Dislike Paris Hilton

I would say that I want her to die, but then there would be a period of mourning liable to rival that of a President and that might make me snap. She needs to disappear. She needs to stop manufacturing events in her life to keep her in the media spotlight. Yeah, that sex tape was leaked. On no, someone hacked into your PDA! Bullshit! She is a needy, clingy walking abortion. For all the money and such that she has had access to through her whole life, you would think that she wouldn't need as much validation as she obviously does.

I say all this only because, last night at the Green Leaf, I saw a girl who obviously modeled herself on Paris Hilton. Other than the fact that the girl last night didn't bleach the fuck out of her hair like Paris, the resemblance was annoying. Same slight, stickish, figure. Same whoreish dress, well maybe the girl last night showed less skin, probably because it's winter. Same vacant eyes and unmoving expression. That's what so bothers me about Paris. Her eyes never change. It doesn't matter if Paris is smiling or crying, her eyes keep the same vacant stare. Ditto the girl last night.

She was throwing herself onto anything that moved, rubbing up against at least three different males within the space of about 20 minutes. But the buffest male, who used the most hair product, was obviously the main target of her affection. You could tell because she was always hitting the classic Paris pose: hips jutting out and thumbs tucked into the pockets or waistband, wrists cocked at a playful yet sexy angle. You couldn't tell by looking at her eyes. It's as if the anesthetic the plastic surgeon used never really wore off.

I was sickened watching these two vapid, 'pretty' people do their mating dance. I don't need to see that kind of shit whilst I'm drinking. I hope they did end up fucking, and that his seed had enough sense or luck to find her absentminded eggs. And I hope that her malnourished frame somehow can support that small life growing within. Because that baby, judging by its parents, will be a black hole of intellect, and I hope that it sucks the mom away with it.

Beyonce

BEYONCE DANCING IN SLOW MOTION

Commercials

I'm seriously considering just taping shit off of T.V. as souvenirs for people at home. The shows themselves are just slightly crazy. Except for the wrestling, that crap be whack. Half an hour of guys dropping each other on their heads. Human bodies ain't meant to do what their bodies do.

I got sidetracked.

The shows on television are interesting, but it is the commercials that make me sit up and pay attention. There's one that is just a bunch of cute Japanese girls dancing to happy music. It makes me smile. Japanese girls wiggling is good stuff. Even better is the commercial for some kind of apple yoghurt. It's a hot Japanese lady in short shorts doing ball aerobics. I always pause in whatever I am doing to watch.

Then there are ones that involve puppets. Lemon puppets. Others involve... I don't even know. After some of these commercials, I have this discussion with myself in my head:
"What the hell was that commercial advertising?"
"I don't know, man, but I want it."

As I type this, I am watching a movie on T.V. I have no idea what it's about, but there's a chick with a sword and a short skirt. She just threw dynamite into a building, and turned away as the building blew up. The explosion hurled flaming bodies all over. Her back turned to the carnage, she still managed to cleave a flaming flying body in twain. And now her sword is ON FIRE!

I think that the main baddy is a eunuch. And I think this flick has been edited for television. Oh wait. She just killed the villain. She cut his throat. Well, she cut right though, but he didn't notice until he did a a spinning slice attack and his head didn't rotate. Kinda neat. Oh wait, now she's crying. Is that Jesus? What the hell is this movie? I should watch television more often.

I Banged the Fuck Out of My Toe

It doesn't hurt that much anymore, but man! For a while there, I wasn't happy. I did it at work and managed to not scream or swear in front of the chill'ins. Speaking of chill'ins, have you been to gizoogle yet? It's like Pimp My Ride for webpages. Bitch.