Tuesday, September 28, 2004

PAX: Were The Bands Any Good

So...

Were they?

No. Not really.




Just fuckin' witcha.

The bands were... god damn... fucking... duck... laundry...

It appears that words fail me.

It all started with the PA guys coming out and introducing the first act. The first act was a hot Asian chick who played Final Fantasy music on the piano. I forget her name, but I remember that she was hot. Slim and small and talented. I didn't recognize a lot of the music, but I liked all of it. Do you have to take a special class to flip pages of music for the people playing? Do you get to have intimate relations with the people you flip for? I only ask cuz a change in vocation might be in order. I liked watching her play, the way the fingers and her hands and her wrists moved. So fluid.

Afterwards, the guys came out and swore.

Optimus Ryhme was next. I had been meaning to listen to their stuff ever since I heard that they would be playing. I'm glad I didn't. Not that they weren't good, they were very good. I just mean that they sound much better live than on the disc of theirs I bought or the stuff I found online. The guy who raps can say a lot of words in a short amount of time. And the fat guy in the white ensemble who played the bass, somehow made his weight and his white work for him. It was at some point during the OR (Optimus Ryhme, not Organized Ryhme) set that I noticed the fat dude seated across the aisle from us. We had aisle seats you see. Better view of the stage, you see. So this fat guy did not seem to be grooving on the whole scene, man. He was seated, his bulk all scrunched up. As was his face. He looked cross. I'm sure his arms would be crossed, in disapproval, but for the fact that his fingers were jammed into his ears. He left before The Minibosses, and someone who actually enjoyed the music took his place. I managed to snap a picture of him before he left. I'm quite proud of it too, it's framed just right even though I took it without looking.

Oh yeah, there appeared to be some empty seats near the back of the auditorium, WTF?

When The Minibosses were introduced (make like Jesus and throw up the fucking horns), the god damn place fucking exploded. Geek-gasmic. Holy shit. They, the bosses, said some greetings and thanks and then asked what they should play first. Everybody tried to outgeek each other. Blaster Master! Ghosts and Goblins! A Boy and His Blob! Astyanax! (I was impressed that someone even remembered this game, let alone pronounce it correctly) The Minibosses decided on Megaman 2. Now I've heard their rendition of this song before. I got it off the internet. I don't know if it was recorded in a studio or what. Alls I know is I liked it. Now I know one other thing. You have not heard the Minibosses until you've seen them live. Sweet zombie Jesus they rock. Listening to their internet stuff, I couldn't be sure how ironic they were. If they distanced themselves from the what they were playing. They don't. They go balls out. I've seen a few punk bands. Young, raw punk bands with something to prove. Non of them played as hard as the Minibosses. See them live. Do it, or you have not lived as full a life as I. Even if I fall into a coma that lasts for the rest of my life and you somehow fuck every girl you've ever had a sticky dream about.

They played more songs and people yelled out other game names. There was a sizeable Zelda chant at one point. They said they would play it later. They never did. That would be the only thing I could even think about complaining about. But I won't because that would be like meeting Jesus and bitching him out for that one time he lost his shit in the temple.

I can't think of how to go on. Just remembering that evening is warming my geek core.

But, I think the best way to go on is to stop. I have to be up in three hours. And on a plane a couple hours after that. The first step to Japan is hours away. Fuck, I'm freaking myself out.

I just had to mention the nigh-godliness of The Minibosses before I left the continent. I hope to finish the write up once we touch down over there.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

West Coast Super Trip part 3: The Line-ening!

I always want to start off every post with So. Today for example I wanted to start with "So we walked the four or five blocks to the convention centre." Always all the time with the So. Maybe I should just do it. Always start with So. It'll be my schtick. But I get annoyed by my So dependence, and I assume my readers would too. Of course, all this self debate about it isn't annoying at all. You know what? Fuck it.

So we walked the four or five blocks to the convention centre, enjoying the nice weather. About half away, we noticed a line. "Odd." thought we. "Must be for people who didn't pre-register." We concluded. As we got closer, we saw that there were two lines. The ends of both snaked away beyond our view. We began to worry. Picking the line that was closest to us, we took our place and began waiting.

Luckily, two nice guys from the Seattle area got in line behind us and really helped pass the time. I've mentioned them before, but they deserve as many shout outs as I can give them: Dwraith, TheFunkyFist, you guys is da bomb, yo!

Also luckily, there were plenty of people to talk about. There were very large people who ran, mayhap for the first time in their lives. I'm loathe to admit it, but the swirling bosoms of a running fat man are quite hypnotic. There were a lot of geeky shirts. Some were good, some made no sense. "Your mom is a face?" What the fuck is that? There was a big, fat red haired man in a costume with a cape. No one knows why. There were skipping goths, which is (I'm pretty sure) against the goth charter.

There was also a big, hot sun. Sometimes, we had to stand in the sunshine. Sunshine is hot. Also, the sun got the fat geeks sweaty even quicker than usual.

So yeah. Lots of waiting. Over an hours worth. I think maybe two. Sometimes, people in "Enforcer" shirts would come around and yell things that only a few people heard. Maybe they were telling us how things were supposed to work, that people who were pre-registered should go to the front of the line. Maybe, I guess I'll never fucking know. Seriously, the only thing out of their mouths that I understood were, "Did you get that?" and "Pass it on." To be fair, no one in our group went to the front of the line to see what was going on. No wait, DWraith went up and asked someone what was going on, she yelled at him.

Oh yeah, near the beginning of the 'line experience' a dude with a video camera came around doing interviews. We all got interviewed. Well.. not so much Carla, she thinks video cameras steal her soul. Not so much steal as cut it out and sell it on the black market, leaving her in a bathtub full of ice. The question was, "What game are you most looking forward to?" We all answered Halo2. If they ever put out a PAX video, look for us. We'll be the most attractive people on it.

We eventually got in. There were a lot of people. The place was swarming. The exhibition hall was already packed. Playable on the floor were Conker: Live and Uncut, Mechassault 2, Forza, Jade Empire, Fable, Matrix Online, Rainbow 6: Black Arrow, and Doom 3. Of those, all I played was Conker. There was almost always a free seat. All the other games had lines at least three geeks deep. Conker was good. Gorgeous. But the multiplayer seemed a bit off. The levels were too big for the amount of people playing. I spent a lot of time wandering around the nice looking environs. Non-playable appearances by: Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory, the new Ghost Recon, and a video of Prince of Persia 2. They all looked good. The Frag Dolls were also supposed to be good looking. The Frag Dolls were a team of quasi-attractive females who competed in Rainbow 6 tournies and demo'ed the Ubisoft games on display. Their demoing consisted mainly of crouching, standing up (in the game, it would have been nicer if they had done it in real life) and zooming their scopes in and out. Woot. But I heard they were quite skilled at Rainbow 6. I never did see them in action. I was entered in one of the tournaments, but I was stuck waiting in a line when the time rolled around.

Here's some quick math for you: around 1337(oh, the irony) people pre-registered, around 3700 actually attended. There were around 40 demo units. That's one unit for every hundred people. That ain't cool. There will be more math later.

We checked out everything else in rather short order. The console room was smaller than the exhibition room, and filled with all sorts of consoles. There were a lot of people there who were better than I am in my dreams. Stupid dreams. It too was overcrowded. The PC room was smaller than the console room. I ain't a PC gamer, so we didn't spend much time in that room at all all weekend. The bottom floor, or 'basement' was where the boardtop games were. Fitting.

Carla was kind of disappointed by the lack of stuff to do. Me too. I reckon that'll improve next year. Hope there's more than just Microsoft stuff next year.

With nothing much to do, we got some seats in the auditorium for the Penny Arcade Q and A. More quick math: the auditorium only seated 410. Remember how many people were in attendance? Slightly more than 410. In fact, the panel was delayed a slight bit, as there were too many people in the auditorium, sitting in the aisles and such, and we had to wait as they got cleared out.

The panel was fantastic. Those Gabe and Tycho fuckers is funny. The panel started with them receiving a bunch of applause and hollering (with some hoots thrown in for good measure), then they abruptly threw to a cartoon? "hey, wanna see the cartoon we made?" Riotous Applause. "Okay, here you go." The Cardboard Samurai cartoon was pretty decent. Very flashy. In the sense that it was obviously made using flash. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Not that flash is gay.

After the cartoon, they opened it up for Q&A. Being as I waited to goddamn long to write this shit up, I forget most of all the good nuggets and morsels. A lady in the audience asked why Gabe didn't like Sonic Heroes, his response, "What's wrong with Sonic? Why can't I play as Sonic?" That got applause. Hell, everything they said or did garnered applause. Twisp and Catsby were created with the sole intention of not being liked. That kind of backfired. They sold the publishing rights to PA to some guy who then moved to Alaska. They would really like to sell out, if given the opportunity. Gabe: "you could send all your letters bitching at me about to selling out to Gabe at Sandy Beach. I probably wouldn't read it though." About the process of writing the comic: "We just surf the internet, riffing on everything we see until one of us laughs. Then we're like 'Shit, should I write that down?"

You know, this stuff doesn't read as funny as it was in person. I guess you had to be there (or go to the forum about this very topic). Laughing at Gabe and Tycho as they stalked about the stage, never stopping, always moving. Wondering what was under the black throwcloth. It was a surprise. Not to be revealed until the end of PAX.

After the panel was over, we all got booted out. Carla and I, and I'm sure a fair amount of others, were planning on staying right where we were so we could see the next panel. The Red vs. Blue panel. This was not to be. A line for the RvB panel started forming as soon as the PA Q&A started. There was no chance we were going to get back in. Crappy. If we had known that we couldn't sit for both, we probably would have given this one (the PA one) a miss. Just because RvB only happened on Saturday, the PA Q&A was scheduled for both days. But really,
there was no guarantee that we would have gotten in on Sunday.

The organizers were nice enough to show the panels on all the TVs throughout the convention centre, but you couldn't really hear much of anything. Which kind of sucked. So we went for lunch. We got back just as the RvB thing ended. The dudes were selling DVDs. It was crazy busy. We figured we'd wait until it died down a little and then go grab ourselves a season 2 DVD. We were fools. DVDless fools. I wandered around the convention centre for a bit, starting to come around to Carla's way of thinking. There just wasn't all that much to do. As I was wandering, a Frag Doll asked if I wanted to sign up for a Black Arrow tournament. I told her I wasn't that good. She countered with "Trust me, most of the people we've played against aren't either." Plus she mentioned that there were prizes. Okay then sign me up. For a tournament for a game I've never played before. Whatever.

I went back and found Carla, who was waiting in line for the next panel. How to Break Into the Industry, I think. I waited in line with her, then waited in the auditorium with her. I wasn't going to stay for the panel though, the Black Arrow Tournie was about to start. I was going to get on the escalator to go up to the console room when I saw that the line for the evening concert had already begun, and it was already quite long. Fuck. Leaving all hopes of winning prizes behind, I took my place at the back of the line. Made some small talk with some of the geeks around me and watched the line grow and grow and grow. It was halfway across the basement floor when someone somewhere had the great idea of handing out tickets for the show, so we wouldn't have to wait, in line for the next two hours. That's right, the line for the bands started at least three hours before the bands were to take the stage. I tried to get two tickets, but they weren't having any of that. I told them the other one was for my fiance, the girl handing out the tickets didn't seem to care. I hope she dies childless and alone.

So I ran into the auditorium and appraised Carla of the situation. She ran from the auditorium and managed to get herself a ticket. Thank God. But man, this was turning out to be a gong show. Only slightly more than one out of every ten pre-registered people would get in to see the Mini-bosses (and friends). Not that only pre-registered people were eligible for tickets. I'm just saying that a crapload of people were going to be upset.

Once word got out that only people with tickets were going to get to see the concert, and that all the tickets were already given out, a crapload of people got very upset. The announcements, you see, were not broadcast within the auditorium, and were not very audible in the rest of the building. I'm surprised people didn't come to blows. I mean that both ways, people kicking the shit out of other people to get their tickets or sucking cocks to get tickets. The tickets were in high demand. There were people with signs wandering around, begging for tickets. "Terminally Ill, please give me your tickets" and such. It was interesting to watch the maladies grow more and more severe as the starting time grew nearer.

We watched all this from the line we were standing in. Even though all the tickets had been given out, this was now the line for getting good seats.

Was the show any good?

I think it deserves it's own entry.



Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Busy Lazy Life

I don't really do much of anything anymore, yet I always seem to be busy. I dog-sat my dad's pug again this weekend, which involves driving out to Regina Beach and back all the time. Dad's Audi is a very nice car (much better than mine, which no one trusts to make it out there and back on a regular basis), but the CD player irks me. The random is just too random. It'll play a whole CD then one song of a different CD and then go back and play the whole first CD again. Irksome. And you don't want to be futzing about with an irksome CD player whilst driving in the middle of the night, overly tired, with deer prancing out from the damn bushes.

The dog's eye goop, as ever, was disgusting.

On Saturday, an old high school/uni acquaintance got married. The wedding was nice. Over real quick, and full of people to mock. Plus I got to dress up in my new clothes. I didn't get mocked. Which is rare. I liked it.

As I drove out to feed the dog and back, Carla and James got stinking drunk. James was screaming at random dogs on the street. Dude can hold his rye, beer and gin, but red wine knocks him on his ass. As for Carla... she wouldn't agree, but I think that beer was a mistake.

We went out for dinner. Carla and James were loud, Trev, Kim and I were embarrassed. Then the food came and James left. Good times.

The reception had too much country music, but cheap booze, so let's call it a draw. Better than a draw, to be fair. Got to catch up with some old freinds I hadn't seen in ages. They all had babies. I always did think they were sluts.

When you're in Regina Beach, wondering where to eat, may I suggest Cafe De Rosa. Really good paninis, and the owners all look like hippies. Not old hippies, those are depressing; but hippies younger than I. I really liked their beards.

Dad and Dianne went on their trip with another couple from Regina Beach. Their son was dog sitting, I went over to his place on Sunday for a barbecue. It was nice. Good food, free booze, pirated porn, political talk and ruminations on why we aren't famous yet.

Then I went back to the cabin, at around two in the morning, and played Burnout 3 until 8 in the morning.

I'll try to cut down on my Burnout 3-ing and finish my PAX report. And maybe reivew Burnout 3 for my other site.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Super West Coast Trip part 2

We woke up and helped ourselves to the complimentary breakfast. With free eggs!! We should have showered first. It's been less than two years since we last hostled, how could we have forgotten? Always shower first! While waiting for the showers to free up, we met a couple of fellow Canucks down for the PAX. They were nice. Of course I forget their names. One reminded me of Kevin Smith. We also found out that the annoying guy from last night was a roommate. Another roommate was a real friendly stoner. He had long blonde dreadlocks and was debating on whether or not to go barefoot for the day. We suggested he wear something on his feet.

Something I forgot to mention about yesterday: as we were sitting in the common room, a whole lotta people riding bikes zipped by, ringing their bells and yelling. As they rode by someone (out of our range of sight) whipped a water bottle at one of the bikers, hitting him in the head. Luckily, the person on the bike didn't wipe out.

We had planned on catching the bus to Bellvue with the other Canadians, but one of their number was lagging a bit behind, so we left. We caught the bus without any problems and spent the majority of the ride talking to a nice guy who used to live in Bellvue and was going back to bartend at a friend's wedding. He was also half Japanese, and had been to Japan a few times. What's crazy is that until he mentioned that he was half Japanese, I never would have guessed it, but after he mentioned it, it was completely obvious. Weird how that works. His voice was raspy and cool and he was full of good advice. We got off the bus and hiked a few blocks to get to the hotel. We later found out that we could have waited a few stops and gotten off much closer. Oh well. We might have missed the cosplayers if we had. We passed a Sophitia along the way. Also, I'm pretty sure we saw Gabe and Tycho walking to the convention centre.

Checking in was a breeze and we got free cookies. Almost as good as free broccoli soup and eggs, but not quite. The room was nice; on the main floor, spacious, the T.V. had HBO , and there was a nice view from the balcony. There was also a main traffic artery just behind, blocked actually, by the nice view. I couldn't see the cars, but I could hear them. Carla and I changed into some cooler, lighter clothes. The weather was heating up, and I imagined that the convention centre would be full of sweaty geeks. I also plugged in my GBA, as I had just about drained it on the trip down yesterday. I would live to regret my lack of Game Boy Advance later in the day.

I need to get my lovely and talented fiance to show my how to post, or at least link to, pictures in this blog. I have some pictures of the weekend, and they sure would help break up all these boring words.

I thought I would wrap up this trip in three parts, but I reckon now's a good a place as any to stop for the night. My next entry will probably deal exclusively with waiting in the line to GET IN TO the Penny Arcade Expo. Which is fitting, because line waiting figures prominently into the whole experience.

Shopping

I sat around today and did get much of anything done. Other than play a lot of video games. Not that I played a wide variety, I mainly focused on two: Day of Reckoning and the new OXM demo disk. I made a Strong Bad in DOR. He still needs some refining, but that is half the fun of a decent create-a-whatever... you're never finished, there's always something you can fiddle with. But I didn't set out to talk about Day of Reckoning, that's what STUFFS is for, I just wanted to blog real quick before I went to bed so that I wouldn't forget about the lady we saw tonight while out shopping.

Carla and I went shopping tonight. I didn't really want to, as I was feeling lazy, worthless and greasy (my shower didn't take), but I went anyways cuz I'm a trooper. And I'm glad I did, cuz there was this lady there... I don't quite know how to describe her... It's not like she had growths or was hideously malformed, she was just... burgundy. Her skin was the colour of wine. I have never, ever seen a person with skin the colour of hers. I don't know if it was the results of tanning gone horribly, horribly wrong or what.

All I know is that I will never see another human being EVER with the same skin pigment as hers. I wish I had had my camera with me. And was a either rude enough or sneaky enough to get a good, clean, close-up shot of her.

Also, Terry Gilliam is shooting a movie here. Crazy, man, ker-azy.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

People Are Great. People Suck.

My brother was playing some Rainbow 6 on XBox Live yesterday, when he recieved a friend invite from on of the guys I stood in line with at PAX. I talked to DWraith and The FunkyFist for a bit. They are really nice goddamn guys. I'm glad they took charge of the situation and sent the invitation to ME, cuz I haven't been on Live since I got back from our trip. The trip that I am currently writing a different entry about. You know what? Fuck it. I'll just chop my trip recap into a few pieces, I'll post the first bit right after this one.

Yeah, talking to those PAX guys was great, made me wish I had gotten more people's GamerTags...

I didn't actually get to play online with them though, cuz: a)I don't own Black Arrow and b)I had a movie to get to. Carla, myself, Trev, Kim and James finally went and saw Hero. I was quite looking forward to it. And was disappointed. I found it to be a little boring. It looked very, very pretty. GodDamn beautiful is what it was. There were shots in there that I just fell in love with. I'll be picking up the DVD just for them. But the rest of the movie was... just... kind of... meh. I didn't really get involved with the characters. I liked the whole Rashamon style story thing, but I didn't like that that meant that all the fight scenes involved the same people fighting in the same styles over and over and over again. Trev said it best, "There's only so much spinning you need to see."

Plus there were some real fucktards in the audience. After a trailer for Taxi, a movie starring Jimmie Fallon and Queen Latifah, a mental giant behind us opined "They probably showed all the best parts." If you have not seen the trailer for Taxi, let me assure you that there were no best parts. After a scene where Jet Li moves so fast, he ran through drops of water as if they were just hanging in the air and then stabs his foe, some guy way in the back wondered aloud: "What happened? Did the water kill him?" I was suprised he strung together that many words. To be fair, water DID kill his father. After a woman fatally stabbed her lover and let out an anguished scream, some guy in the audience laughed out loud. Really loud. I just wanted to stand up, walk back to where the shithead was sitting and punch him in the fucking face. I may not have liked the movie that much, but... grrrr!

In conclusion: most people can go to hell.

As can the spell checker.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

West Coast Super Trip part 1

Crap man, this happened two weekends ago, and I'm just getting to it now. I thought I'd be less busy after Japanese class, but that hasn't happened yet.

Carla and I jetted off to Vancouver on the 25th of August. It seems that you have to apply for your Japanese working holiday visa in person. You also have to make up a resume and write an essay and plan out a detailed itinerary. For my Australian working holiday visa, I applied over the internet. Easy as. Basically, I just had to prove that I had enough money to get there and back and they were like "She'll be right, mate."

So we went to Vancouver to apply in person. Also to visit with Carla's brother, my friend Eric and my newly transported to Vancouver friend Nate. The Visa application was a joke, I have no idea why it had to be in person. We basically handed the clerk our stuff, he confirmed a few details and that was that.

That's okay though, that just gave us more time to bum around Vancouver. We did some shopping and a lot of eating. There is so much freaking sushi in Vancouver it boggles my mind. My mind is still somewhat boggled, actually.

Caught up with everyone: Eric is still studying. He is never not going to be a student. Darren is about finished his degree. And Nate is involved in some citywide water gun assassination thing. {UPDATE: Nate hurt his neck or somesuch and had to drop out. His roommate is still in the running, even managed to avoid an assassination attempt. Go roommate whose name I forget, possibly John!}

But the Visa thing and the visiting of people weren't the only reasons we head out to the coast. No, we had other business further south. Down there in the Americas. The first ever Penny Arcade Expo. How often does a person ever get to attend the first annual of anything? How could we not go?

Actually, when it was first announced, we had no plans on going. I liked the thought behind it, but the pot was not all that sweet. But then those fuckers just kept adding cool shit. The musical acts are what did it for Carla, Halo 2 was just icing on the Carrot Cake. The playable demos were the milk poured over the cut up carrot cake. Lack of funds and desperate need of what funds were left for our Japan sojourn be damned!

So we hopped on a Greyhound bus and headed for sunny Seattle. It seems the god damn west coast has stolen all the prarie's good weather. I got more of a tan in Seattle and Vancouver than at the cabin. That ain't right. But back to the bus: we were a bit worried about crossing the border. Not because of our side business of being drug mules, but because we had to surrender our Passports to the Japanese consulate. I was okay cuz I always carry my birth certificate with me. For when I doubt my own existence. But Carla left hers at home. Would we make across the border to the land of milk, honey and free healthcare?

Yeah. With no problem whatsoever. We checked into our hostel: the Green tortoise. Seemed nice enough. Looked like a hostel. After dumping our crap, we poked around the neighbourhood. Saw Pike's Market. Big. Lots of people. Smelled of fish. Didn't buy anything. Except for Peroshkies. Which aren't perogies. They're Russian pastries. Pretty okay, but the apple cinnamon roll was the highlight of the snack.

Also bought some international junk food. Marzipan tastes like... Crap I forget what I thought it tasted like. That'll teach me for waiting two weeks before writing shit up. It tasted like some kind of liqueur. And I forget the names of the other stuff we tried. One was like wine gums, but much chewier, not an improvement. The other was a plain chocolate bar with a great slogan "NOT for GIRLS" I let Carla try it, just because I don't like being told what to do by packaging, which is also why I only ever lather once. Repeat my ass.

Our hostel had a free dinner: all you can eat baked potatoes and mashed potatoes and broccoli soup and some sort of rice. All really good. Best broccoli soup I've ever had, and I'm not trying to damn it with faint praise, it just kind of works out that way. Some nice girls sat at our table before, during, and after our meal. There was an American girl whose name escapes me who was going hiking and camping up North. Then there were two Japanese girls Misako from Tokyo and Misa from Osaka. I get the impression that there is a rivalry between those two cities. So we talked about various things, stuff to do in Japan, how much work sucks, how much traveling rocks, and so on.

Then this... Not a man, but no longer a boy asked if he could sit with us. Sometimes being nice polite Canadians bites you in the ass. This was one of those times. I don't have a brain for names, so I also forget this kid's name. He's nineteen, took a little Japanese in high school (but doesn't remember as much as he thinks he does), draws, enjoys improvisational acting and photo taking. He was keen to show off his new camera, but had problems getting out of the packaging. I think maybe he was trying to dazzle us all with his worldliness, and his renaissance man-itude. But none of us were, we were to polite to ask him to leave, but none of us were enjoying the conversation with him in it. Luckily: free beer. They had tapped a keg at the reception desk, so we all bolted for the brew. Thank god the legal drinking age in the states is so stupidly high. It felt weird being carded tough, it's been so damn long. I didn't usually get carded when I was underage. Not like my friend Trev who gets cracked all the time, usually by people at least half a decade younger than him. Oh how we mock him.

Misako seemed to be a little ticked that she had to show I.D. She really wanted to drink. There was almost a rumble. Luckily cooler heads prevailed. Heads cooled by beers. The Green tortoise was turning out to be a pretty cool hostel. Except for that guy. He found us out on the patio and talked at us some more. He asked the Japanese girls who their favourite Sumo wrestler was. (for those of you who don't know: Sumo isn't all that popular in Japan, especially with younger girls). He then asked them if they've ever wanted to kill a boyfriend. Because boyfriends cheat, although he would never cheat on them. The talkative, non hint-taking jerk drove us away from our free beer. That takes talent and determination. We went to bed early. Fucking jerk.

So ends part 1...

Join me for the somewhat exciting middle part and boring conclusion!!!

I like Carla's Laptop

I do. I can blog on it. And hopefully edit my films on it soon, too.

"Meh" or "Insert Stupid Dragon or Oar Pun Here."

This Labour Day weekend, I partook in my first Dragon Boat race. And second. And third. The Dragon Boat Festival is a yearly occurrence here in Regina (but not just here, I hear that they have Dragon Boat races and festivals in other cities and countries. Who knew?). The company Carla works for thought it would be a good idea to enter a team. Build company spirit and all that. So of course I got myself volunteered. My asthma has been acting up as of late (and I let all my medication run out. All part of my 'ignore it and it'll go away' approach to healthcare), and Carla gets seasick very easily (remind me to tell y'all 'bout the time Carla used up all the seasickness bags on our trip to the reef. Also, remind me to stop using so God Damn many parentheses!).

Where the fuck was I? Right. An asthmatic and a seasick cutie were about indicative of what our team brought to the table. According to the rules every member of the team had to attend two practices. Most of our team members averaged one. Yep.

Also, Dragon Boating is hard. It's not much like canoeing. I can canoe. I've canoed in every hemisphere this wacky ole globe has to offer. But Dragon Boating is less about arms and more about abs. And back. Not my strong suits.

Now that I've set the table, let's cut to the chase: we didn't come in last. Our goal WAS to come in last, and we failed even at that. Which seems fitting. We came in last in our first heat. And in our second. But there were stupid jerks in other races who were worse than us. Our third race was against those other losers and we aimed to lose and lose hard. And we succeeded. We just about rammed another boat. Serves 'em right, they booed us. Fuckers.

What did I learn during our day of Dragon Boating? I learned that puns involving dragons or boats or oars or paddles are even less funny than normal puns. I learned that I quite like African cuisine. And I learned that I don't much care for Dragon Boating.

Also, I sunburned my massive forehead.

Monday, September 06, 2004

Technology Blows

So I can't unpdate Netscape cuz I don't have OSX and I don't feel like poking around Microsoft's Explorer webpage until I find the ghetto where they keep their Mac stuff. So I don't think I'll be blogging much from my computer anynmore. Luckily, I have access to others.