Crappy

Last night was not a good night. Actually, it WAS a good night for the most part. But the sucky part really sucked. Went out for a Christmas dinner with some friends. The food was okay, but the conversation was quite nice. Afterwards we went over to Leanne's and had a few more drinks and talked some more. That whole part was fine. Then Carla and I went home. To my place. Which is really my parent's place. Carla started feeling really ill from all the smoke. I tried to cheer her up but she eventually retreated to the bathroom. She REALLY wasn't feeling well. While she was away Odie (a dog) trotted into my room and proceeded to loudly lick himself. I swear that dogs hips act as a sounding board or something because DAMN is his crotch loud! THEN, my parents started doing it. Yep.

I'm 28 years old, living at home, surrounded by crotch licking dogs and randy parents.

Needless to say, Carla and I went to her house. Her parents have the common decency to have really quiet sex.

Let's See

Lets' see how long I can keep this up for. Jerry just got home, and he's a'smokin'. My eyes hurt already, so I don't think this one will be that long. Which sucks cuz I was all ready to chat about the Last Samurai and Amores Perros. But too smokey!

Bunnies

I like bunnies. Where I work is in the middle of an open field, so there are always lots of rabbits around. They cheer me up with their fluffy white cuteness.

uh-huh

I worked for 24 hours during the last 48 hours, yet I found no time to post here. I had plenty of spare time, mind you, I just never posted. That seems to be a problem I have. I should get that looked at.

Saw Reign of Fire The Other Day

Slightly better than I was expecting, but my expectations were quite slight to begin with. The little touches were nice. The Star Wars play, the flaming drool, the attempt at shoe horning dragons into our history. But I didn't like the way that, half way through the movie Woody Harrelson comes along and says, "There's an Uber Dragon, if we kill it we kill 'em all." Or words to that effect, but gruffer. Just kind of comes out of left field. And, really, just one male dragon on the WHOLE PLANET? That just doesn't make sense. And how did humanity defeat such a formidable foe during the dark/middle ages? Or were they just myths then?, that wasn't all that clear.

The dragons looked really cool, though. Really nice looking Dragons.

Yep.

How's This For Irony?

This blog's spell checker doesn't recognize the word blog.

Good Googly Moogly

I am quite adept at doing nothing. I mean, how hard can it be to write in this blog during a nine hour shift containing maybe two hours of actual work? Yet I read magazines, surf the web, do all sorts of nothing. And I don't blog. I'm such a lame-o.

And I'm getting worse at video games. It's scary I met up with Kelly today and we played a fair bit of Mario Kart and I didn't beat him. I was lucky to tie him. What the fuck is up with that. And living with Seve just rubs my face in how much my skills have slid. It's a sad day when your baby brother beats you consistently.

Yerp

So I finished work at seven thirty in the AM. I thought I'd stop by the gym on the way home. I did. Not that great an idea. I didn't have a lot of energy left, which is slightly weird because I don't expend that much energy at work. You'd think I'd have lots left over. So I change and go out to my car, the locks are frozen. Not what I need before going to bed. The radio tells me that it's minus 21 with the wind chill out there. It also tells me that the shit it transmits is today's best music, so I don't put a lot of faith into it.

Long story short: D-icer is really good at de-icing locks.

Carla's new webpage title and discription made me laugh.

I was going to talk about Reign of Fire, but my arm is starting to hurt. Maybe later.

I've Been A Bad Boy

I haven't posted to my blog or gone to the gym for a few days now.

In my defense, I AM pretty lazy.

Can't Really Think of Anything

There's an episode of Angel on. There's all kinds of ballet going on.

I had a Dr. Peppr float.

Carla had lost all sorts of stuff, but then she found most of it. In the lost and found.

I still don't much care for sports editing.

The End.

Sports Editing

Is hectic. We get most of our footage from the Toronto Sports cast. It comes down at 10:30. Our show is at 11:00. SO I have aproximately NO TIME to get everything pulled. Yet somehow I do it. I am like unto a god.

I almost Forgot

I almost forgot to do my daily update, but then I didn't.

Phew!

Mike Bullard

Is not all that funny. He just isn't. There's gotta be a better Canadian talk show host out there.

Yeah...

That Home Movies show is kind of funny. In that odd kind of non laughing way.

You're Listening To The John Tesh Radio Show

I had thought of a couple things to write about, but I didn't write them down, so I've forgotten.

Here's a random thought: I think Nintendo's games could look better. It's like they're using the simple premisesisisisises of their games as an excuse for simple graphics. I'm kinda dissamapointed by the graphics in the latest Mario Kart. I'd go into more detail, but I'm tired and my contractually obligated entry for the day is done.

Fresh Claims May Not Be Applicable In All Areas

So there's this new KFC commercial out going on about how 2 KFC chicken breasts have less fat than 1 Whopper. There's a disclaimer at the bottom, of course. It reads (in part) "Not a low fat, low sodium, low cholesteral food."

Why even bother making a commercial about how healthy KFC is. We all know what the F stands for.

Yeah

I don't really have anything to say, but I'm trying to stick to this daily update thing. Hmmm... Hawksley Workman is better suited to the exchange. His Warehouse show was his least enjoyable. Still very enjoyable. That bastard puts on a hell of a show. Could have done without all the hysterical fat chicks who undulated grotesquely and stepped on my feet.

Yeah

I hate the media. I just saw a news story about the horrors of Grand Theft Auto. Let me quote the nice, trustworthy newslady, "Players must beat up prostitutes, run over pedestrians, and kill as many people as possible to get the highest score." God damn does that piss me off. Change one word and that would be a true statement. Must. MUST. There ain't no must about it. The game doesn't force you to beat up prostitutes, run over pedestrians and kill as many people as possible. That option is there. If you choose that option, you will most likely end up dead, but it IS an option. If she had said GTA is a game where players CAN beat up....." she would be right. As it stands, she is very much wrong. The story then went on to detail how popular the game is with young kids never once mentioning that it is rated M and is not meant to be played by children. Cuz that would be telling the whole story.

People suck.

Teeth

Thank god I have dental coverage. Not that there is anything wrong with them, they're just expensive things, teeths is.

Pussy Farts

Saw George Carlin this evening. Funny man, he is. Quite the potty mouth on him, too. And he has so much hate, for so many people. No wonder I enjoyed his act so much. The opening comedian, not so much. Obvious jokes delivered with not much panache.

More Grey Cup

And Sam Roberts was much better at the Pump then during half time. I was really saddened by how few people sang along with Sam and how many sang with Bryan Adams. Saddened, but not suprised.

Montreal Can Suck My Balls

So Carla won us some Grey Cup tickets yesterday. Yay her!! (the secret to winning things? Buying me stuff) So we went. It was, like, cerazy busy baby!! Our seats weren't that bad at all. Not as far up as I was expecting, and the wind was not a problem at all. I felt a little chilly through most of the game, but never really cold. The game itself was fine, the parts of it I saw. I left about five minutes before halftime to grab some hot food and drink and missed a lot of action. How much? When I went to get food, the score was 14 - nothing, when I finally got back it was 21 all. And there was still a minute left in the second quarter. Grrrr... And the food wasn't that good and the hot beverages were all sold out by the time I got my food!

And there were, suprise, a fair few annoying drunk people about. They were chanting today's title over and over and giving the finger to everyone around and throwing not quite empty beer cups at the television cameras.

All kinds of crap

Seen lots of movies, and musical acts and read books and proposed and stuff. I have plenty to talk about. But I don't remember most of it.

Soon

See, I was being ironic.

hey

It has been a while. And all sorts of stuff has been happening. Stuff that in theory I should be blogging about. And I will. Just not right now.

Soon.

Sunovubitch

I was listnening to the CBC on the way home from work and it was playing some really interesting music. Like Pink's vocals from 'Get This Party Started' on top of Bowie's 'Let's Dance'. It hurt my head to listen to it. In a good way. So I got home, ran upstairs and got my music playing device, brought it downstairs and started listening. Two minutes later, it broke. I went to the CBC website in hopes that they have live streaming webcasts. They do. I don't have the plug in for it. And I can't seem to find one that is for this stupid mac o' mine.

Sometimes life just gets really annoying.

Tarantino

Quentin Tarantino, genius director and writer, can't spell to save his fucking life.

Tarantinonstop

There was a Quentin Tarantino "festivel" at the Galaxy Cinemas today. All three of his movies back to back to back. This city ain't all that big, so when something cool like this happens, you have to support it. The films were sceened in reverse chronological order, first Jackie Brown, then Pulp Ficion, finishing with Resevoir Dogs. The fest started at three thirty and lasted till about twenty to twelve. Five bucks to see any one movie, ten bucks to see any two, thirteen to see all three. And if you went for all three, you got a free mini poster amd a free regular popcorn. Plus with every ticket, you got a lottery ticket, they drew for prizes before every show. Good deal, all in all. I talked to one of the managers during one of the intermissions and it sounds like this is going to be a quasi regular occurence. Cool beans.

The day didn't start out so cool. I muct have either slept in an extraordinrily uncomfortable position last night or had an extended body tensingly terrifying nightmare, because I woke up this morning the sorest I have ever been. Plus a little nauseous. I started to feel a little bit better during lunch with Carla (at the Normanview Gardens. Remarkably average. Not worth the trip). Carla is just good for me, that's a medically proven fact.

I didn't think I'd get to see Jackie Brown as my movie buddy Trev was working and my ride is busted. But Trev took off work early and we made it there just in time. If the movie had started on time. It didn't. We sat in the theatre for a good quarter of an hour before anything happened. Then it was time for some prize drawing. Up for grabs: Kill Bill Posters and free double passes to see Kill Bill next Thursday. We didn't win nothing. Fucky.

I liked Jackie Brown much better the second time around. Now that I knew not to expect Pulp Fiction I could appreciate it on its own merits. And it is a very meritous film. As are all of Tarantino's movies. Full of great music and perfect performances. Plus I love the way the man moves the camera. He has a distinct visual style (and a thing for trunks) that both pushes my buttons and pulls my levers. And of course the dialouge. Which is not to say that all of his films are the same. They share similarities, sure, but they're all very distinct. Different. Jackie Brown is adapted from a novel, for one (don't tell me about how Resevoir Dogs is an 'adaptation' of City on Fire. I've seen them both. They're very different movies. It's like saying Titanic stole from Speed 2). And JB is a much more mature film. Not that his other films were immature (Mr. Blue looks ancient), but JB is about characters in their fourties and beyond taking stock of their lives. Which sounds boring, but is actually captivating. Plus there's a caper near the end that is gone through thrice just so you can see all the angles. I really dug this film. Also, before the movie they showed a Kill Bill trailer plus trailerd that I imagine were attached to Jackie Brown when it actually played in theatres. I was reminded once again that I still need to see Good Will Hunting. And Ben Afflec appears to be the bomb in Phantoms, yo.

Pee break. Trev got his free popcorn and a refillable drink. We had to change theatres because they sold so many tickets for Pulp Fiction. Jackie Brown was pretty full too, a lot fuller than I was expecting. Our seats weren't as good, but I was sitting right next to cute Asian girls, so I weren't complaining. More prizes. I won tickets to Kill Bill. Luckily I booked next Thursday off of work for the express purpose of seeing that film.

Pulp Fiction was Pulp Fiction. Still amazing even after, or maybe because of, being subjected to countless Tarantino wannabees direction Pulp Fiction rip-offs. You can say Quentin ripped off City on Fire, but at least he did it well. People still gasp and giggle at all the fantastical goings on and violence and such. But I'll get back to that. Pulp Fiction is great.

Pee break. I got my free popcorn and a refill of pop.

The film print of Resevoir Dogs was pretty damn beat up. Ot was hard to see all of what was going on at times and almost inaudible at others. But still, this was the first time I've seen it on the big screen. It's held up. Hard to believe that it's been over ten years. Fuck I'm old.

But yeah, there was a lot of laughter from the audience in places where it shouldn't be. This happened throughout all three films. I suppose it was mainly deffensive laughter, but still. Kind of distracting.

Money well spent. In fact, if you factor in the free passes, I made money on this endeavour. I mis-spelled the fuck out of that word.

Hell No I Won't Slow Down, It's Gonna Go... Down!!!

I sure do like The Rock. I liked him when he was a wrestler, and I think he is now my favourite action star. Not of all time, or anything, he's just better than all the other options available. I mean, who is his competition? Segal and Van Damme are video buddies, Stallone is... I dunno what he's doing, but I'll bet you dimes to dames it ain't good, Schwartzeneger is off politiking. Ummm... who else? Jet Li keeps getting teemed up with rappers, and Jackie Chan's last outing was The Medallion. So, the field was pretty open. The Rock didn't have to do much to claim the crown. And claim it he did. The Rundown was the most fun I've had in film form in quite some time.

The plot was fairly flimsy: The Rock (Beck) has to fly to the Amazon and bring back Stiffler. Cristopher Walken tries to stop The Rock. You can't stop The Rock, can't stop the rock. Hilarity and violence follows. In fairly equal masure. This film has action scenes that make you laugh in disbelief. At least the audience I was with did, and the theatre was packed. I was scared at first, because the fight scenes were a little too quick cut and close up for my liking. Either the fight scenes got better as the film wore on or I just got used to them.

This is the kind of film where you want to talk about all the cool stuff that you liked but at the same time you don't want to ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. Alls I can really say then is that there was no part of the film that I didn't like. Well, maybe the ending felt a little off, but that's about it. Hell, this is the least annoying Stiffler has ever been. I even liked the monkies.

Go see it.

Holden McGroin

So I've been on hold for like ten minutes now. What the hell is going on down at the CBO? What hot new show has just been announced that would cause such a log jam of calls? Or maybe someone is taking an extended lunch break. I wish they would just be honest: We can't be bothered to answer the phone, please call back in like half an hour and maybe we'll talk to you then.

There. I've actually talked to a human being and got my tickets for Hawksley Workman for Oct. 8. I knew I'd get helped as soon as I started bitching/blogging.

So we saw Once Upon A Time In Mexico a few days ago. I haven't seen the last two movies recently, so this opinion may change, but I think OUATIM ranks third out of three. But, then again, it does have Johnny Depp.

Robert Rodriguez is an interesting film maker. And the "El" trilogy is a perfect example of why. The first, El Mariachi was made for like 12 bucks and some food stamps. It looked cheap, mainly because of the film stock, but it was full of energy and invention. Desperado was next, with a budget roughly a trillion times larger. It looked beautiful (due in no small part to Selma Hayek), but the action seemed familliar. Still good fun and enjoyable, but it was as if the extra time and money afforded Robert robbed him of some of his spark. Also, he kind of rejiggered his El mythos. In the first film, the main character, a mariachi, was mistaken for El. Desperado is about the real El, but he has memories of events from the first film. I think. It's been a while and it wasn't that clear to begin with. Which leads us to Once. Basically, it's like a marriage of the first two films. A decent sized budget, but shot on video. Rodriguez is now something of a video zealot. He loves the ease of use. You don't have to worry about lighting and blocking a shot. You just shoot. If you have something you want to try, you try it. Quick and dirty film making. But this is both good and bad. If you have nothing but cool ideas, with no thought of how to tie tham all together, you end up with chaos. Once is one step above chaos. Actually, with Once Upon A Time In Mexico, Robert Rodriguez reminds me of another Once helmer: Once Upon A Time In China's Tsui Hark. They both have tonnes of neat ideas, and neither of them care too much if they make much sense within the context of the movie. Once... Mexico has double and triple crosses, maniacs wrapped in bandages and stylish shoot outs out the wazoo. It works only because it works. I can't explain it. But the shoot outs are not the elegantly choreographed ones of Desperado, they're even more frenetic than the ones in El Mariachi. But they're not exactly easy to follow. They would have been much improved, I imagine, if Robert had taken the time to plan them out ahead of time. He could still also shoot whatever caught his fancy, but then he would be forced to think about how to fit it in with the rest of the fight and still have it flow. As is it plays out like: "Wouldn't it be cool if Antonio... and then... and then... and then a truck will run over these guys... and then... and then... so Cooooooooool... and then... kneecaps!!!

And I still don't think stuff shot on video and then converted looks as good as good ole film. Sure Episode 2 looked real good, but must of that wasn't shot so much as coded. There ain't much digital trickery in El Mariachi. And of the few instances where CGI Is used, it looks fake. Mainly bullets hitting flesh, which looks about as realistic as shooting that liquid metal T1000 only less so. But the kneecap thing was cool. So I mentioned Rodriguez mentioned lack of lighting set up as a plus? In this film it is more like a minus. This film is too damn dark. A whole lot of back lighting = a whole lot of obscured faces. This is a dark film, it made me sleepy. The one really bright scene looked like it was shot on video, so maybe that's why. And every once in a while, some quick shots had the unmistakable look of video. But I was looking. My movie going companions didn't mention anything so I guess it's not that noticeable.

Wow. That was a lot of words. I'm done for now.

Stuffs what i like

That Daily Show makes me laugh out loud on a consistent basis.

So sue me, I like wrestling. That Smackdown show last Thursday was one of the best I've seen in quite some time.

I forget everything else. That is all for now.

oops

I got distracted by a really crappy Chuck Norris movie.

Title Goes Here

The goal for today: finish my shinai.

The goal for this evening: finish my Buffy review for STUFFS and start my Wrestlemania XIX one.

Carla's parents took us out for a meal in honour of Carla's birthday. Carla chose Neo Japonica, Regina's only Japanese restaurant. It's award winning, donchaknow. It's been quite some time since I've been there. It's been even longer since they've changed the decor. The place is starting to look somewhat shabby. But the food is still good. I got the Japanese Roast Chicken, just to see how those wacky Nihon-jin roast their chickens. Would it be better than my award winning beer butt chicken? Yes. Yes it would. Man, them Japanese know their spices! The skin on the outside was nice and spicy, with some heat going on, but the meat on the inside was almost sweet. And it was so tender, I ate the thing with chopsticks. The succulent meat was nigh falling off the bone. One of the best roast chickens I've ever had.

Plus Carla really liked her gift, so, like, yay!

Regina actually has more than one Japanese restaurant. It has two. More if you count all those little food court dealies.

My Weekend, as if you care

I had a nice weekend away from this stupid blog. I didn't make it to kendo, but I did make two chickens. The kind that you rub with spices and then put on the barbeque over low heat with a can of beer shoved up its ass. They took longer to cook than expected but still tasted pretty damn good in my opinion. Carla didn't agree, but then she's crazy. Who cares if the chickens were in honour of her birthday!

I'm sure there was other crap I was going to write about, but it's late and I'm tired. Oh yeah, I actually did something almost productive: I wrote a review for Stuffs and jotted down notes for another.

Lets see how long it takes for it to get posted.

My Computer Sucks.

It really, really does. I can't seem to do anything without it freezing up. And then, when it freezes up, I follow the instructions in the manual for forcing the computer to restart. But it doesn't force the computer to restart, it just opens up a command window that I cannot close. I eventually end up unplugging the fucking thing. That's happened to me three times this evening. An evening where I was planning on doing some actual writing. Fuck. I could have been playing video games.

And the mouse sucks ass too.

Carla's Birthday

I should really figure out what to get her.

Today

I went out for lunch with my dad today. Had all you can eat ribs. I ate all I could. I'm still full. And I feel fat.

A tale of souls and swords eternally retold

Stupid Soulc Calibur 2! I've been playing it for the last few hours instead of doing important stuff. Like surfing the web. Or this. Plus I HAVE to wake up on time tomorrow so's I kin hab lunch mit me pa.

I had lunch with Carla today. I fine time was had by all. I sure do like that Carla. Yup.

I should get to bed.

Not Much To Say

Other than I like that Firefly show very much a lot. Joss Whedon is a television God. But I ain't as crazy about any of the films he's written.

Really, that's about it. Other than Mat Ruff is a literary God!

Movies I Done Seen

Just last night Carla and I watched Dog Soldiers. Pretty nifty, but I have a soft spot for such films. Low budget horror films that is. Cuz that's the kind of film I want to make. Considering the budget, this was a very nice looking little film. The werewolves were obviously men in suits, but I have yet to see a werewolf in a film that didn't look like a man in a suit. Except for that one about that American in London. That one looked like a big dog. The Heads of the wolves were quite well done, and that's the most important part. They're never onscreen for all that long anyway. They get the job done is what I'm trying to say. And they're not CGI, which is a plus in my books. Not that CGI always looks bad, but low budget CGI is usually not the way to go. Especially when it comes to hair or fur.

But enough about the werewolves, they're not the focus of the movie. "The werewolves aren't the focus of a werewolf movie?� I hear you ask incredulously (and by you I mean no one). That's right, the real focus of the movie is the soldiers. The way they interact with each other, the way they react to the situation they're in: THAT"S the focus of this movie. And that's why this movie works. All the actors do a fine job. They come across like soldiers and like friends. I can't remember any of the actors' names off hand, but I liked them all. Cooper, Welles and Spoon in particular (even though Spoon is so named that in service of a fairly lame bit that nonetheless made me laugh). Spoon going Coo Coo crazy apeshit bananas on a wolf with a frying pan (Spoon had the pan, not the wolf. Although... the only thing more terrifying than a werewolf... is a werewolf... with a FRYING PAN!!! The only thing more terrifying than a werewolf with a frying pan... is an overlong parenthetical aside... with too many ellipses!!!)

The script is... okay. As a low budget flick, it wisely confines the bulk of the action to one main location. I don't know how to cleverly segue into the other thoughts I have about the script so the rest of this paragraph is going to be somewhat non-flowy. The surprise twist near the end is kinda lame and nonsensical. The bit right near the end, after the big kablooie was shot too dark and too close, so I'm not exactly sure what happened. Actually, those two points are about the only bad things I have to say about the script. Otherwise, it's pretty good. The characters don't do stupid things. Well, they do, but for non-stupid reasons. They act and react like normal people might, if put in the same situation. Oh yeah, one other slightly negative point: the film jumps around a lot, time-wise, near the beginning. Not that it's hard to follow; it's just kind of distracting. It settles down fairly quickly, so no biggie.

As I mentioned, bits of the film were too dark. Or shot too close. In addition, some of the editing (usually during the dark and tight portions of the movie), makes the action hard to follow. I don't know if these were stylistic choices or due to the tight budget, all I know is I asked, "What just happened?" on more than one occasion.

Still, all in all, I recommend Dog soldiers.

Best in Show = funny.

See? I can be succinct when I want to be. Also, I dig that Eugene Levy.

The Streetfighter. I'm not sure if there is a 'The' in the title, but I write it that way in the attempt to differentiate it from that Van Crap movie. I'm talking about the Sony Chiba 1974 classic. Hell yeah. I picked this bad boy up for five dollars, having never seen it, and it was SO worth the money. The music, the nonsensical plot, the dubbing, the makeup, the fights, the gore; these all add up to make one kick ass movie! Ass kickingest of all is Sony Chiba as Terry Tsurugi. He is the original bad motherfucker. He beats up chicks, forces himself on them and sometimes sells them into prostitution. He beats the shit out of anyone who even THINKS about getting in his way. He has no qualms about gouging people's eyes out or ripping out their throats. Sometimes, just for kicks, he'll rip their dicks off. Yeah, that's right, their dicks. And in between all this brutality he makes really weird faces and emits odd, odd noises. He's like Bruce Lee on crack. There is so much good stuff in this flick; I can't urge you enough to check it out.

On With the Show...

Kendo hurts. Not in the way you might expect. Not in an "Ow! I just got hit in the head with bamboo!" kind of way, but in a "My knees are shot!" kind of way. Kendo, you see requires that you keep your feet straight at all times. That ani't natural. Try walking around whilst keeping both feet pointing perfectly straight ahead. It ain't that easy. My whole left leg region is unhappy.

But I am enjoying the kendo class none the less. There's just something inately satifying about hitting things with a sword.

And Another Thing

Another reason why I feel the need to post more often is because Carla, my girlfriend, has been posting more than me. That emasculinates me somehow. Well that all ends now!

I Just Don't Know

I can't decide how I want my posts to work. Should they Should the most recent post be first? Or should it be last? One would think that the new stuff should go first, but I reference stuff all the time. Whatever. No one reads this shit anyhow.

Here Begins a Noble and Grand Experiment

I'm going to try to post to this stupid thing daily. A novel approach to blogging, I know. I've always said (or, more acurately, whined) that I just need to get into the habit of writing on a daily basis. Hopefully this stupid blog will do the trick.

Why do I need to get into the habit of writing on a daily basis? Cuz, depending on what day you ask me, I'm a writer. I've got all sorts of crap in me that needs to get out. None of it will make it onto this page of course, but that is not the point. The point is this: cheese is furry.

Holy Shit I Just Bashed the Shit Out of My Knee

It really, really hurts!

I have Not Brought My Specs With Me.

My eyes ache and I'm having a fuck of a time staying awake and there's still three hours left on my shift.

Just thought you should know.

Relax, You're Two Tents

So I had this dream the other night...

I was trimming my pubic hair, and somehow cut off the back part of my ball sack. I could see my testicles. They were grey and wrinkly.

The thrill of the unknown

The previous post is predicated on the assumption that the blogger's identity is a known quantity. I just realized that I haven't really mentioned my name yet.

Hello. My name is Herve Butswanna Kakakadu. I loves me the sex.

Pondering the Blog

This must be one of the most self-aware blog out there. I mean, can I WRITE a post that doesn't refer to the act of blogging? Could I BE any more annoying? As a side effect, I think way too much about blogging. Way too much meaning a couple minutes a day. What exactly is the line when it comes to pesonal stuff. I mean there's a good chance someone I'm related to might read this stupid thing. I don't exactly want kindly old Aunt Mabel reading about how I railed my girlfriend for four hours yesterday. How I ate her out until my jaw ached. I think that kind of thing is crossing the line. But that's just me. There are others, I've read them, that post in graphic detail. They probably get off on relating their sexual escapades. As they're laying there, fucking or being fucked, they probably can't wait till it's over and they can blab all about it. The thought of blogging about the sex that they are having (that word never looks right to me. I always want to add an e) probably gets them that much more excited. There are some sick people out there. I wish i knew some of them. I hear they're easy.

Me? I just want some sex.

If my mom is reading this, by "sex" I mean a new TV. I just want some a new TV.

yep

I do not lead a life exciting enough to warrant regular wed-based updates. Nor am I conceited enough to think otherwise. But I feel like I'm a lazy jerk if I don't post to this stupid thing.

So...

I'm now enrolled in kendo lessons. I taped a new show with Kelly for Stuffsradio, it should be up some time soon. Also wrote a review for the site. Saw the Weakerthans at the State. They were good. But the acoustics weren't the best and I was fairly hosed, so keep that in mind. That is all.

Wedding without the delightful contrast of a funeral

The wedding was good. The drive wasn't so bad, except for the strange odours emitted by the middle aged ladies in the van, and the strange noises they emitted whenever they heard an oldie they liked on the radio. Apparently, they've never met an oldie they didn't like.
We stopped off in Lethbridge on Friday night, because the delightful Jane and Bob offered to let us stay at their house. They have a very nice house, with a very nice chair. I'd go into specifics, but I don't want to sound gay. "Oooooohhhh!" You say angrily, "Why do you perpetuate such hurtful stereo types?" First of all, I respond, while gays being good at home decorating is in fact a stereo type, I wouldn't call it hurtful. Gays like to attack kindly old ladies with rusty cheese graters, now THAT'S a hurtful stereo type. Secondly, I continue, in a world where that Queer Eye For A Straight Guy is so successful, how dare you bitch at me. There are larger fish to fry. Alls I knows is I wants me a nice long chair when I gits me own place.
We didn't get up to much on Friday night. Just enjoyed the travel bar. I also need a travel bar. It's a big hit at small, out of province gatherings. Saturday, we drove out to Pincher Creek for the big wedding. Had a decent lunch and met up with a lot of relations I haven't seen in a while. Gatherings like me are always fun, but they always remind me how un-good I am at makeing small talk. I was a fairly anti-social teen, so now the onus is on me to initiate conversations cuz my relations now assume I just don't want to talk. Damn me and my stupid teen years!
I sure do like casual weddings. The ones you can wear sandles to. It was an outdoor affair. And it was a wonderful day for a wedding. Hot, clear skies, with a bit of a breeze. And no smoke, which was both a suprise and a delight, seeing as a good portion of Alberta a still burning away. Still, it was on a farm type thing, so my asthma and allergies were getting a fair bit of a workout. The Service was nice and short, the whole wedding party looked great and a fine time was had by all.
We then retired indoors for the reception. The BarBQ dinner was awesome. The Bar ran out of Ceasars way too fast. And there wasn'r nearly as much country music played as I would have thought.
Wow. I'm really pratling on about stuff no one cares about, aren't I? Even though that is the whole point of a blog, I'ma going to cut this short. I'm starting to annoy myself. A fine time was had by all. There was a lot of drinking and eating and superficial socializing. The Riders lost. And I forgot my raincoats so I couldn't do the hibbity dibbity even though My girlfriend and I ended up with our own room

Guilt and Violence

Now that I have this stupid blog, I feel compelled to post to it. At least for now. I'm sure it will end up like all my other ventures: abandond (I'm pretty sure I mis-spelled the fuck out of that, yet I am still too lazy to figure out how to spell check) and forgoten. Much like that dog I had when I was young. I forgot to feed it and it died. To be fair, I also kicked it a lot, so that might have had something to do with it.

Anyhoo... I'm off to Albera to go to my cousin's wedding. All the relatives around my age are now all married off. I wonder if I should read something into that. Whatever.

Crap. I should go pack.

Title:

There. Now this is becoming a proper blog. Hopefully, I will encounter a "really amazing person" who will "treat me like shit". And then I will write all about it. FUN! I am giddily awaiting my pain!


Hi Carla!

This probably doesn't read as well in reverse order.

Poem

People SUck
People suck
i am PAIN
pity me
for I am A GOD!

crud

Man. The enormity, or rather, the word that is the exact opposite of enormity (minisculity?) of what I have just done has just hit me. Just. I have a blog. I am one of "those " people. Crud.

I guess I'll have to start writing some really awkward and shitty poetry again. It won't be easy. That stuff is the providence of people in their late teens and early twenties. It's been a while...

yep

Everything appears to be in order. That is good. Now all I need to do is to think of witty things to type. Wait, this is a blog... I don't need to be witty, I can just prattle on and on about myself and other equally meaningless crap. Cool beans. Except there's all sorts of other stuff that I should be writing. Like those reviews for my other web site. And that script. And that other script for my brother. You'd think that his emanent success would spur me on, make me try a little harder. But you'd be wrong. It just kinda makes me a little more bitter. A little more apathetic. Wow. Look at that! Now THAT'S some good blogging. But I really should go write some real stuff. Or study some Japanese so Carla doesn't kick my ass. Or finish that DeLillo book. Or, y'know, finish the work I am right now being paid to do. I'm at work. Tee hee. Now then... there's gots ta be some way of spell checking this. Ah fuck it. At the very least I know the difference between its and it's. Which makes me better than a good bulk of the general populace. Later.

This is the title

This is the main body of the text.

Boy!

This sure is a lot of green.

It's all about the giggle-tits!

Like the title says, giggle-tits.