Cat Soup

Tried a couple of times over the weekend to watch Cat Soup. Never did get to watch the whole thing. Kept falling asleep. Which just might be the best way to watch this film. Not trying to say it's a bad film, more like it's already WAY dreamlike. Here's a f'rinstance: a little cat and his sister are adrift at see in a boat with a pig. The boy cat poops off the side which attracts fish. The pig catches the fish and offers them to the cat. The cat instead strips the skin off the pig, revealing different cuts of meat. He grabs one and fries it up. He gives a portion of the fried pork back to the pig who eats it.

Crazy stuff, man. I really dug it.

The Weekend

Saw Brent Butt on Friday night. He's funny. I believe I had a tear of laughter roll down my face at one point. Funny, weird looking man. What's scary is Carla and I went with HER PARENTS to see him. That's a little off-putting. I was wondering if maybe I was starting to loose my edge, if maybe I was no longer what the kids call, "hip".

Later on that evening Carla and I went to The Freehouse and met up with Trev and James and Nate and that annoying girl whose name my brain doesn't feel the need to learn. When she heard where we had been she ran her yap about how much she hated Butt and his show. That made me feel better. I don't much like her.

Watched some Full Metal Alchemist over the weekend. Anime is weird man. Scenes of bloody horror followed immediately by wacky humour.

See, now, Carla just stopped by and is totally distracting me from blogging. Yet she complains when I don't blog. Well, I'm gonna stop now and it's all her fault.

I had a nap, but I am in no way refreshed

So unrefreshed that I didn't capitalize the title. Yeah, it was intentional. So. Zombies. I like 'em. Gonna make a movie about them someday. Not exactly sure what their allure is. Werewolves have that whole man v. beast thing going for it. Dracula is just sexy. Zombies are... I don't know. My movie is also going to have one werewolf and one vampire in it. Maybe I should have put a spoiler warning on this post. Too late now.

Zombies are like us, just not. They look like us, just not. They move like us, just not. I've read a lot on the subject of zombies, but I won't go and recap all the crap I've read. In spite of all I've read, I'm still not sure why they are so appealing. One of my film theory profs talked about how zombies were like... hmm... I forget what he said. Or exactly what he said. All the zombie stuff I know is becoming one big shit pile.

But yeah, I like 'em. And others do to. My friend Eric wants to make a zombie movie. Dawn of the Dead is doing well in the theatres. Maybe I should just talk about that. Sure. Why not?

But first: Abenobashi is a crazy anime in the best tradition of crazy anime. Plus: BOOBS!

I'm not sure why they called this movie Dawn of the Dead. I mean, sure, it borrows a fair bit from Romero's original, but not all THAT much. They spend a lot of time in the mall. That's the main thing. Oh, and there are zombies. Other than that, not that much in common. All the subtext and satire of the original has been dropped in favour of... nothing. This film has no agenda other than providing some tension, a few scares and a lot of death. And it does. And I liked it. But this remake, or re-imagining, along with that Texas Chain Saw remake, I think... What does it say about today's audience that both films are just slick, highly polished redo's of the superior originals with none of the thought, wit or charm that made the originals superior? Does it say anything about today's audiences, or does it say something about the directors involved, or about the fact that the originals were independent visions put out as independent films and these new ones are studio products?

Not that I care that much, I just think it is interesting. Romero's juxtaposition of zombies in a shopping mall was witty and clever and not really touched at all in this new one but I like it better that way. Cuz why bother remaking something if you're not going to change things up? It's just that they took out a whole lot and only added fast zombies. And I prefer slow zombies. Something about their shambling adds an air of inevitability to everything. The zombies ain't going to chase anybody, cuz they'll get them eventually. But the fast zombies worked in this film. This was a fast film. It started off fairly quick and never really slowed down. No time for love, or satire, doctor Jones. But the acting was good and there were all sorts of little touches I liked. Like the sarcastic rich guy's uncanny resemblance in both look and attitude to Bruce Campbell. If it had actually been Bruce, it wouldn't have been as cool, cuz then we'd like the character. As it stands now, we laugh at what he says but still think he's a dink and have no problem with him getting shot in the head. There were other things that I wanted to mention, that I DID mention in my post that got erased but damned if I can remember them now.

Some of the effects looked fake, like when zombies got run over and stuff. But not blatantly fake. Just fake enough to be fake. Same with that one overhead shot that follow Sarah Polley out of her neighborhood, when that van hits that car and they both crash into the gas pumps? Fake. Well done, all of it but not perfect. But that zombie baby made Carla laugh out loud. It made me think of Dead Alive. Yeah. I'd recommend this movie because what it does what it's supposed to but nothing extra. Yeah. I sound more negative than I meant to, but such is the nature of the internet.

SO Tired

Carla and I ended up going to her Grandma's for lunch. I swear that old lady put something in the food because I am plum tuckered. Must nap.

This Is Where The Title Goes

Instead of writing about Dawn of the Dead or Abenobashi Magical Shopping Arcade, two good and enjoyable things, I have spent the last couple of days whipping up a review of Breakdown, a truly ungood and unenjoyable game for the Xbox. It is just so much easier to talk about the bad rather than the good. Especially when the bad parts are just so obvious. Breakdown is probably one of the easiest reviews I've ever written (not that it's done yet), so full of bad things is it.

But that's for my other site. This is the site where I don't spend all my time bitching about video games. Here is where I bitch about everything else. Which I will do.

Soon.

First Imma go lunch wif Carla.

Also, blogspot has the worst spellchecker ever. I typed eveything instead of everything up there. The spellchecker caught it but everything was not one of its suggestions, not even close.

Dead People and People What Should Be Dead

Okay. Fuck. I had just typed up all kinds of stuff about the new Dawn of the Dead. Mainly mindless filler, but with some (I think) good stuff as well. But I'm typing this up at work. With the weird keyboard, the laptop type keyboard. With the faux-mouse buttons scrunched up against the space bar. So if you are not the best typist in the world, there might be times where your finger brushes against the buttons instead of or at the same time as the space bar. There is the chance that you can, in one accidental thumb brush, highlight your whole chunk of text and space over it, erasing it all. Yeah.

Fuck.

A Good Weekend

It was. Cuz it was almost filled with Carla. I mean, how could it be any better. Well, Triplets of Bellville could have NOT been sold out. But other than that, I have no complaints. I really, really, really dig that girl.

Eep

Yeah. Sorry about the lack of blogging. Someone I work with just found out he has a tumour on his fucking brain. It's pushing on the stem. I'm a little weirded out.

Notice how I took Bernie's tragedy and somehow made it all about me.

I'm a massive fucking jerk.

Crap Day

This day, Tuesday, was just an utter waste. I was surly and full of crank all day. Not fun for me or anyone around me.

Also, in reference to Carla's blog about that there I, Robot movie: I don't care if it has nothing to do with the book of the same name. I didn't care for the book. Found it annoying. However, I've never disliked a movie directed by Alex Proyas. Yes, Eric, that includes Garage Days.

Some Stuff happened

Don't it always seem to go....

The times when you don't blog are the times when you have the most to blog about. Not that I have all sorts of momentous life-altering announcements to make, I just have actual topics of conversation. This isn't the usual mindless getting to know you chit chat. Or maybe it is. Whatever. Let's try to do this somewhat chronological like.

Thursday (I think)
I slept in. Thusly, I was late for a late lunch with my ex-girlfriend Cara. I stepped under some hot water and then out the door to pick her up. I met her dog, whose name I forget. Nice dog. A bit bigger than I was expecting. Saw some of Cara's new sculpture pieces which I can only describe as upholstered eroticism. Yeah, they were interesting. We went to Newtown for lunch. I had the Curried Beef Hot Pot, she had the Budha Tofu with Mixed Vegetable. Both tasty. We talked. Talking to people who are actually doing stuff always make me feel bad. About my lack of stuff doing. I forget which parcel delivery service did this, but some driver delivered a package to Cara minus a whole lot of expensive tools. She wasn't home at the time, and didn't sign for it, but instead came home to an opened package. Nice.

We bummed around down town for a little bit, not doing much of anything and that was about that.

Also, she gave me a CD. By an artist called Geoff Berner. He plays the accordion and sings odd songs with nice titles like, "We All Have To Be A Prostitute Sometimes".

Even though I slept in I was still quite tired, and my late lunch could have almost been considered an early dinner. So I wasn't in the best of mind frames for cooking with Carla. We had agreed to get together on Thursday night to make a heaping helping of Padh Thai. When she called up, I begged off. As soon as I had hung up my mind began to race. Canceling a dinner date with my future wife because I was to full and tired from spending the afternoon with my ex-girlfriend would be a VERY BAD IDEA. So I called her right back and told her I was coming right over.

We went shopping for food. Whilst shopping I picked up Armed and Dangerous for cheap. And Carla let me! It was a good deal, how could she not? It took a while to get all the shopping done and we were both tired by the end so we just went to bed instead of making the food.

At 11:15pm I woke up and went to work. Saw Wonderfalls during my shift. I liked it. I thought it was cute and quirky and so was the lead actress.

Friday.
What the hell happened on Friday. Oh, we rented So Close. A Hong Kong action movie starring three hot chicks. Well, more like one exceptionally hot chick (Hsu Chi, the gorgeous Taiwanese actress from The Transporter) a hot chick and an average chick. The movie wasn't as good as I had expected. It was directed by Corey Yeun (who also helmed The Transporter), who usually does great action. The action in this was okay, but not up to his usual caliber. The story was nonsensical. Which is standard in a lot of HK movies, but especially so in this one.
You don't need to train to be a hit(wo)man in Hong Kong movies, you just need someone close to you be killed. The rest just sorts itself out. Really the only thing that kept my attention was Hsu Chi. Man she's good looking. Then she dies. Damnit. I had trouble paying attention after that. All in all, I don't recommend it.

Saturday.
I worry sometimes that me and film are growing apart. I haven't shot anything or written anything in quite a while and the last film I did shoot, I've done nothing with. Plus there's all these films out that all sorts of people are raving about. Raving. And I see them and am unmoved. Return of the King? I still like Fellowship of the Ring best, as a movie. The Passion of the Christ? I cried, but I found as many faults in that film as virtues. And now City of God. One of the few foreign films to ever get nominated for a best picture Oscar. Critics the world over fought over accolades to heap on it. I liked it. But that's it. I didn't leave the film drunk on its majesty. Maybe it's me. I really fucking hope it isn't though.

Sunday
Wrestleania XX. I enjoy wrestling. I totally understand why people don't. I'm somewhat embarrassed by my liking of it. But still I do.
Cory and Gayle came over and watched the big show with me and Seve. We had fun. I'd go into detail, but if you were interested in such things you already know everything that happened and if wrestling holds no sway over you you'd skip it all anyways. Suffice it to say I thought it ended on the best note it possibly could. The last match was the best of the night, the most dramatic and Chris Benoit's win was the most deserved. I loved that all of the fans at MSG were cheering for him and that he and Guerrerro closed out the show.

Later on that very evening...
I discovered some naked pictures of Hsu Chi (hahahaha! No link for you!) on the internet. Hot damn she's foxy!

Monday.
Nothing much happened. Went out for lunch with my dad. Then cooked lunch for Carla.

The end.

A Moment of Weakness

I wasted $8.47 tonight. There was a lull at work (OMFG!!) and instead of studying Japanese or writing any number of reviews I drove to 7-11. I bought a maxim and a couple bags of Doritos. I was going to buy some Taquitos as well, but the clerk wouldn't let me. Said they were too old. That's a first.

I remember back in my high school days I used to live on Doritos and Dr. Pepper. I still am all about the Dr., but I couldn't finish a single bag of Doritos. Why the hell did I buy 2?

Contractual Obligations

Carla doesn't like it when all I write about is how I have nothing to write about. But I have nothing to write about. An idea for a story or show just popped into my head about a man sent back in time who can't remember why or how or from when he was sent. Probably a nothing idea, but hey, at least I wrote something.

Eurotrip

Saw it. Didn't mind it. Wouldn't watch it on T.V., cuz the boobs are the best part. Without boobs, this movie ain't that great.

What A Fantastic Fucking Day!

Seriously. We've had some pretty decent weather for the past little while, but today was the first time it really felt like Spring. And as such, I had to help push someone into their driveway. I didn't HAVE to, I chose to, cuz that's the kind of guy I am. The roads around my house are absolute shit right now. They're always shit actually, but even moreso right now.

RCMP

My cousin Ben is in training to be a Mountie. It does not sound like fun. He spent the last weekend polishing his boots. His hands were stained and ugly looking. The boots were looking good though. After dinner on Sunday he had to leave early as he still had to shine his other boots and go for a three mile run before going to bed. Don't think I'll doing that, thank you. Although... it sounds like the pay is pretty all right.

My Sunday

Started off with waking up next to Carla. Can't get much better than that. Except maybe waking up feeling fully rested and refreshed next to Carla.

Most of the day was spent sleeping. A little of it was spent playing some Crystal Chronicles. That was followed with a delicious meal at my aunt and uncle's house. I actually ate, and enjoyed, beans. Murray (my uncle) is a hell of a cook. It was SO GOOD! Although the apple pie tasted to me like it had a hint of licorice to it.

The day looked like it was going to end as it had begun with Carla and I in bed. But then I received a rude awakening. At around 10:15 someone from work called to remind me that I was supposed to have been at work at 9. Luckily I'm SO GOOD at what I do that I managed to get everything done before we went to air. Actually, most of the credit should go to Dan, the sports anchor. Anyone looking for a sports anchor out there? Dan Plaster is about as good as you can get, he's a nice guy a damn funny drunk and better at his job than any one else I've ever met.

My Saturday

I could just change the date of this blog. Change it back to Saturday, make it look like I wrote it earlier. I've done it in the past. Or maybe I've done it in the present but changed back the date so that you only THINK that I've done it in the past. But not no more. I didn't blog all weekend or Monday. Nor did I go to the gym. I suck. But starting now I'm trying to decrease my sucking. No more misleading all my millions of readers.

Right. My Saturday. Right.

It was good. It was a good day. It had lots of Carla in it, that always helps. It started with a bunch of Ninja Gaiden (WTF? The spell checker doesn't recognize ninja. That's just wrong. Gaiden I could see not being in there, but ninja?) playing, that always helps as well. The I showered and Carla and I did some very brief shoe shopping, which is the best kind of shoe shopping. We also stopped in at Chapters. Carla offered to buy me a magazine and I deferred. What the hell is wrong with me? A couple years back I was probably spending more money on periodicals than food. Not anymore. Ever since Carla made me start keeping track of my money, I've been a lot more careful with it. Odd how that works.

After my non magazine getting, and Carla's massive magazine and manga getting (oh how the tables have turned!), we went and saw Broken Lizard's Club Dread. I like comedy and I like horror and there is a distinct dearth of film making comedy troupes these days, how could I NOT go? I liked this movie. More than Super Troopers. I found Troopers to be intermittently funny. I also found Club Dread to be intermittently funny, but the dry patches were not as dry nor as long. Plus this movie had boobies. Gotta like that. I like that the members of Broken Lizard probably wrote this movie for the express purpose of getting paid to spend a couple months in a tropical paradise surrounded by topless chicks. More power to 'em. I'd do that too, if I could.

The film's title comes up over a close up of a recently decapitated body spasming, shot from the point of view of the head and the movie ends with... nah I won't ruin the last shot but it nicely bookends the film. I really liked that title shot though, it set the tone for all that followed. I also liked that the guy who played the biggest prick in the last Broken Lizard film got to play the hero in this one. I liked a lot about this movie.

I liked almost nothing about Dreamcatcher which a group of us rented Saturday night. I can think of only two redeeming qualities. The first is that it only cost a buck to rent. The second is that the film looked pretty nice. The woods where most of the film takes place are well shot, especially some of the panoramic shots. Every thing else? Shit. And not just any kind of shit. Bloody shit. Accompanied by unpleasant farting noises. Seriously, who the hell thought that this film was a good idea? There were a fair few recognizable names involved in this travesty, what attracted them to this film? The book wasn't any good, and I'm normally a fan of Stephen King's work. It was overlong, poorly paced and seemed like King was stealing from his own previous works. It was like a poorer version of The Tommyknockers. With shit weasels. The film version was even worse. The child actors were horrible, there was no real flow to the tale being told. The tale itself was rediculous. The effects were not all that great. The sound effects were sometimes laughable. As was the sudden appearance of a british accent. Most annoying was the fact that I think they changed the ending from the book, but I can't remember for certain and I don't plan on re-reading the damn thing to make sure. But it was fun to watch at least. There was a group of us, and we were drinking, which always helps.

I usually think that Roeper, of Ebert & fame is a waste of skin and air and idiocy (I mean there are other, much more amusing idiots who could put Roeper's idiocy to better use) but I grudgingly admit that when he voted Dreamcatcher the worst film of last year he wasn't horribly, horribly wrong.

Why

Why is it that when I don't go to the gym, that's the day I consume one of the greasiest, fattiest dinners known to man. It was good. Guiltily so.

And why does Ninja Gaiden play with my mind so? When I think I've done rather well, killing all sorts of things in all sorts of ways while avoiding death in a stylish way, I get a crap rating. But when I die, and use a scroll to come back to life and consume all sorts of health potions all in the name of barely beating a level, I get the best rating possible. Japanese game developers are inscrutable. INSCRUTABLE I SAY!

Toffee makes my jaw hurt

I think the title pretty much says it all. Ow. Also: Mmmmmmmm!

Ninja Gaiden

I played the hell out of the demo that came out last week and now I'm playing the hell of the full game. I quite likes it. But the demo spoiled me in a way. You start out much more powerful in the demo. In the real game, the first boss raped me multiple times. No cheap powerful moves to defeat him this time. Seve doesn't seem to be having any problems. Fucker. He can go to hell on the youth he rode in on.

Grrr

I thought of at least a couple of things to blog about while at work. Now that I am home, however, I find myself at a loss.

Dear God, The Internet Sucks

Seriously! I wanted to get all sorts of things done today, while at work. I wanted to learn some Japanamese. Finish off a review or two and post a couple days worth of blogging. Instead I spent three hours at gamefaqs, reading a bunch of posts about which console is better. My brain, my heart and my faith in my fellow man hurt. The sad part is I'll do it again. And, since every one knows that none of their faults are their fault I blame the internet for my procrastination. Fucking internet. I'm going to sue for damages!