A Little Bit Louder and a Little Bit Worse

Stop putting shit off.

That was my New Year's resolution.

Got off to a decent start, too. Cleaned our room all to hell, moved everything, dusted, vacuumed, threw out shit that just seems to build up. Blogged. About movies. The post prior to this.

But then I started putting shit off. I have a mental and physical block. As soon as I start making any sort of change in my life, I sabotage myself. I am aware of this and this awareness does nothing except making me even more pissed off at my lack of progress.

I've been meaning to write this for a couple couple (which is to say almost a few) days, but kept putting it off. And this is nothing, this is pointless, this is just typing to keep typing. Still, I put it off.

Enough of that. I read, I play video games, I watch movies, I want to write more. So I am going to write more.

But... Here is a quick peak into my brain. It never shuts up. I replay conversations in my head; rewording things, obsessing over mistakes and things I could have phrased better. I imagine future conversations. Between me and people I know, between me and people I don't know. Between two people I don't know or two people I do. Or more than two. Just conversations constantly going on in my grey mush.

In addition to all that, I blog. In my head. I work over things, constantly editing. And when I finally have it phrased just so, someone somewhere in my head takes a break from their conversation to complement me. And then the phrase phrased just so disappears. Poof. So real word blogging is frustrating because it never matches that now forgotten bon motte of the brain. I've brain reblogged this post for a couple couple days(which is to say nearly a few) now and this is nothing like what I had imagined. And there was some good stuff in those brain blogs, let me tell you, the people in my head told me so.

I'll never be able to type fast enough to keep up with the babble in my brain.

But god fucking damnit, this it the stupid year in which I try.

But I reckon I will stop this post now. This is the post wherein I bitch, you see, the next one has an actual topic. I guess I could have mentioned that this was a bitchy post up front, but you're smart (and so ATTRACTIVE!) so I'm sure you figure it out (and man you smell nice).