More Movies

Rearranged the basement over the last few days. I like how it turned out. It's like a tunnel of couches in front of our big new tv.

Movies look good on our big new tv. It's like our own little home theatre. Kinda.

We watched a couple ridiculous movies in our home cinema; the new Die Hard and Snakes on a Plane. Actually, I believe Carla coined a new word to describe them: retardulous.

Which is the whole point of Snakes on a Plane and kind of regrettable in Die Hard 4.0 (as it was known in Japan)

Yeah, coulda seen the flick in a theatre in Japan but decided against it. It just didn't look like a Die Hard movie to me. Plus I was not all that sold on the director. He made an action film about the battle between vampires and werewolves and made it one of the dullest pieces of crap imaginable. That takes a special skill to screw a movie like that up.

Die Hard 4.0 was not a dull film. But in its sweaty efforts to not be dull, it just gets too god damn unbelievable. I know that action movies have to keep upping the stakes, but there have to be a line somewhere. Die Hard didn't just cross the line, it roared over the line in a semi on fire.

I liked the retardulous action, I ignored all the stupid cyber-talkery, and I enjoyed John McLane. There were a couple nice character beats in this film, which I was not expecting. And all the supporting characters were just ducky. Except for the main villain. He didn't get a good speech. He didn't kill anyone in cool or exciting ways and his backstory seemed off. I get his motivation, I understand his goals, but I don't understand his blood thirstiness. His motives don't match his means. To me. And while I enjoyed the action and enjoyed the characters, I'm not sure they needed to be in the same film.

And I don't know if Sam Jackson needed to be in Snakes on a Plane. It would have been just as retardulous without him. And he brings this baggage with him, this baddass baggage. It is hard to look all that badass when punching a small reptile. This film is not about the acting, it is all about the action. And nearly all the action is snakes biting unnamed characters. Which they do. The effects are not good. And that is why it is good.

This is not a good looking movie. There is one good shot in the film, one of the opening ones, a sweeping helicopter vista shot zooms in to follow an extreme dude on his extreme bike. I thought maybe this would be an interesting looking film. I was wrong. The rest looked like a direct to video effort. Which was fine.

I wanted laughable writing, average effects, amusing gore, snakes biting naughty parts and Mr. Jackson yelling and swearing.

Mission Accomplished.