Saw the ugliest baby ever on Saturday. Swear to god. It was either a baby or a horribly disfigured midget. I cannot accurately describe it, which is wholly to your benefit. From the quick, painful glance I got, I imagine that the wretched little thing could never, ever hope to close it's mouth. Not even Mick Jagger's lips could cover those craggy, creepy bicuspids. Her insane eyes also seemed incapable of ever shutting. Those two features kind of made any other visual information gathering nigh-impossible, but I got the impression that the skin was blotchy, pallid and not at all comfortable at ease on the bones underneath it.
This is what I said to Carla: "I just saw the ugliest baby ever. I just about yelped." Carla had to have a look for herself. I watched her approach, saw her try to steal a glance and winced as she nearly gave herself whiplash.
She says I didn't adequately prepare her. That may well be true. In my defense, I was rendered nearly mute. My brain was in a state of shock, my powers of description were even more retarded than is the norm. It was a bad scene.
*shudder*
2 comments:
This is why I won't have children. Dollars to donuts my baby out-uglies that one.
I've been thinking about adopting an Asian baby. I imagine they're cheap, they're cute as hell, and if I ever wanted to dump it, no one could trace it back to me.
Nate
Dude, I seriously doubt your baby could out ugly this one. I mean, for one, your eyes are dreamy.
But yeah. I don't know how any one can have kids. I'd just be terrified of it coming out wrong some how.
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