I apologize for my lack of stuff lately. I've been a bit busy, but not so busy as to not blog for 11 days. My brother was in town for a week, so we shot that script I had written. Well, to be more to the point he and I acted whilst Kelly Toth directed. Kelly runs a pretty easy going shoot, so Ry and I tossed out ideas, but basically left the directing to him. It was good. I'm glad Kelly was the first to do the directing, because he's a lot like me. He made mistakes I would make, but since he's made them, I don't have to. Hopefully.
And we got chased from a couple locations by security. Yeah. This was a very low budget shoot. One camera, no lights. Dogma-esque if you will. We didn't ask permission for most of our locations and that ended up costing us a bit. We managed to get everything shot, though, minus a few pick-ups here and there. There were a few one take shots though, so I'm interested in seeing how well it all edits together.
And there are a lot more scary people down town at night then I thought. We thought about doing some shooting there, but chickened out.
Ry, myself and Carla went to dad and Diane's for supper and I finally saw some of the Godfather. Still haven't seen the whole thing. I really should. I loved the bit that I saw.
Other than that Ry and I didn't hang out to much which I regret. I'm not so good at talking to family members. I was a withdrawn kid and I can't seem to get past that even now. I didn't tell Ry how incredibly fucking proud of him I am. He floors me. I am one of his biggest fans. See, even now I'm tempted to just delete this whole bit because it's making me uncomfortable.
But him being here for that little bit was all just part of this weird feeling that's been hanging over me for a while now. I look at him and see all the success he's all ready had and will have and I wonder about me. I'm talented, I feel like a prick for saying it but it's true. But I am also profoundly lazy, which is unfortunate. This blog, and the short story are attempts to help me get used to writing more. The movie we shot over the course of a day and a half was to help me, and Kelly, and others to get back into the habit of DOING. Of MAKING. Of CREATING. It also made me want to act more. And I feel good about all of this.
But I'm also always afraid. Of not amounting to anything. Of failing. Of succeeding. It's very annoying. Plus I have always had these dreams of success and so on (I'm sure everyone does) and the older I get the more these fantasies seem to mock me. I'm getting old. I can feel it. I feel old. I ache. I can see it in my face. I've had a lot of dreams lately about loosing my hair. Carla tells me it's starting to go grey. Good God.
I was going to write good grief to segue into talking about Peanuts and the book I just bought. But I didn't, but still managed the segue just fine. SO I bought the collected Peanuts, from 1950-1952. I quite like it. I really fits into this mood of mine. Cute and cruel and funny and deep and everything all mixed together so much that you don't know quite what you're feeling. I'll write more on the book once I've finished it, but I can heartily recommend it.
I think I'm done for now.
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