Which is about the only bad thing I can say about last night's wrestling event. All of the radio ads promoting the Smackdown show last night had John Cena rapping about how he would be at our arena. Generic, to be sure, but still. Also, some other ads referred to it as Paul Heyman's Smackdown, but Heyman was also a no show. Cena I can understand, he screwed up his knee at the Royal Rumble, but why no Paul?
We pulled into the fairly full parking lot, found a spot nowhere near the entrance and made our way to the Cena-less arena. Nothing makes you feel more attractive and smart than a live wrestling crowd. Boy there are some fat, ugly, stupid looking people in this city. There were a few normal looking people scattered about but they were in the vast minority. Where were all the skanky wrestling groupies? I didn't see any. At least, I hope I didn't see any. If some of the girls I did see were groupies, I feel sorry for the wrestlers' penises. We, my brother Seve and I looked around for a bit at all the stuff we wouldn't buy. I am not that picky when it comes to clothing. I wear t-shirts with comic book characters on them (lesser known characters, so most people have no idea that I'm wearing a comic book shirt), I wear a Man Whore shirt, I wear an offensive shirt that has a crude drawing of a flying me throwing eggs at a terrified pope who runs from me and swears. What I'm trying to say is that while I aint that picky when it comes to what I wear, I don't think I'll ever wear a wrestling shirt. In addition to the shirts, there were thongs and belts to buy as well. And a big poster of Torrie Wilson in a wet t-shirt. I was tempted by that poster. I know that Torrie's boobs are fake, and I usually don't like fake boobs (actively dislike them to be more accurate), but I like Torrie Wilson's fake boobs. Any wrestling girls fake boobs to be completely honest. I guess it's all about context. If I'm going to choose to invest myself in fake fighting, I have no real reason to object to the fake boobs. Our tickets were for row 27 down in the floor section. It turns out our seats were in section two row seven, so we were WAY closer than we had first thought. Seated next to us was a very old lady with a thick accent (Greek, maybe?). She talked to us about wrestling for a while. This was her first live event although she never misses it when it's on the TV. Seated in front of us were a bunch of young kids. With signs. Worrisome. Behind us was a perfect example ugly. Group ugly. An ugly guy and three ugly girls.
The show started with the announcer making all kinds of announcements about how to behave, and what behavior would get you escorted off the premises and what behavior would have you facing criminal charges. Then we all rose for the national anthem. The entire crowd, (the Agridome was more than half full, but less than three quarters full) stood silently as the music to Oh Canada played. When the music was over, we all cheered.
The first match of the night was Nunzio, of the FBI(Full Blooded Italians) versus Billie Kidman. Billie Kidman is a little lightweight wrestler (and I believe the lucky bastard is married to Torrie Wilson), whilst Nunzio is much bigger. One of the ugly girls behind me lusted after Nunzio quite vociferously. If she could, she would have ripped off and thrown her vagina at Nunzio's crotch. I was mildly disturbed by her comments. The match was pretty decent. Lots of power moves and a few high flying moves. And the good guy (Kidman) won.
A word now on cheering: I had planned on cheering for the heels (bad guys) through all the matches. But the old lady liked all the good guys and seemed to not like it when I booed them. But at the same time, the kids in front of me also didn't like me booing the good guys. I felt bad for bothering the old lady but pretty good for bothering the little kids. I gave up and cheered for the good guys pretty early on.
The next match was... damnit I forget. That sucks. It was another singles match between some undercard guys. Ah screw going through the card match by match, I'll just recap the pertinent points. Rey Mysterio is very short. The Big Show is Very big. Bradshaw took a beer from a girl in the audience and drank it. It was like spinach to Popeye and he was able to push the Big Show around for a bit. But then Big Show chokeslammed him. Wrestling seems much more violent and painful in person. Watching it on TV you sometimes take for granted the risks that they take. And somewhere near the beginning Dawn Marie, the WWE's resident crack-whore announced that by order of Paul Heyman, John Cena is suspended. Then she showed off her ass and left. I don't like Dawn Marie's boobs. They frighten me.
During Chavo's match the crowd chanted "EDDY! EDDY! EDDY!", it seemed to bother Chavo. That was fun. Chanting along with a stadium full of people is fun, even if most of the people are ugly and stupid. I love Tajiri, even though he didn't get to do much during his match. No Tarantula, no Green Mist, no Buzzsaw Kick. Tajiri didn't get to do much, but he was still fantastic. Kurt Angle wrestled Hardcore Holly and Kurt mostly dominated and gave Holly the finger fairly often. The crowd cheered whenever he did. Either Shelton Benjamin or Charlie Haas screwed up a spot. We, being the polite crowd that we are did no start chanting "You fucked up!" The Airline lost Rikishi's luggage co we were spared the sight of his ginormous be-dimpled ass as he instead wore a much more reserved track suit. That said Big Daddy on it. Rhyno wrestled, but didn't gore anyone. Thus, the crowd booed him.
The last fight of the night was Eddie Guererro versus Brock Lesnar for the title. LOTS of chanting at the beginning of this one. The wrestlers didn't DO anything for around ten minutes, they just let the crowd work themselves up. Instead the crowd got all confused. Some sections chanted "EDDIE!" some "YOU TAPPED OUT!" still others "GOLD-BERG". Sometimes the crowd would settle on one and chant their little hearts out but then it would degenerate into the unintelligible mess again. Eddie just reclined on the top rope, seemingly loving every minute of this while Lesnar stalked around the ring, telling everyone to shut up. The wrestlers stretched for a bit and then got down to it. That Brock Lesnar is a big boy, boy howdy. But Eddie is crafty, and not above the occasional thumb to the eye. Brock dominated the bulk of the match but Eddie managed to reverse an F-5 into a DDT and land the frog splash, but that wasn't enough and Brock came back, hit his finisher and that was that. I wonder if that's how they're going to finish the match at the PPV? Probably not, Goldberg needs to be in there somewhere. Anyways, great match. Most of the matches were fun to watch. Live wrestling is a good time.
For the audience at least. I wonder what it must be like to go from working sold out massive arenas on a regular basis to a definitely not full Agridome in Regina/Middle of Nowhere. That must do things to a man's mind. Some of these guys are millionaires and still they're busting their asses in Saskatchewan. I don't know, man, I don't know.
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